This is a great question, and a really common concern.
Studying and practicing tantra changes the whole dynamic around ejaculating which takes the pressure off and therefore creates a deeper connection between you and the “ejaculation response”.
In “regular sex”, the end-goal is ejaculation.. And for many reasons, many men struggle with this… Either ejaculating sooner than they’d like or struggling to get it up at all. And once you realize that it might be a problem, the problem gets out of control.
But in tantra, the focus is what happens when you truly connect with another person – energetically, emotionally, through the heart. What happens when you just touch someone for the joy and pleasure of touching them, without the goal of arousal or orgasm?
When we do this, the whole experience of lovemaking slows down and we start to savour every moment — and then each moment becomes bigger and bigger… And when these incredible and full moments string together, creating beautiful lovemaking and pleasure.. Ejaculation becomes very secondary.
Plus, through tantra, we learn to be meditative in life and in lovemaking. This also helps to relieve the anxiety… Plus you learn how to gain control over your ejaculation so that you soon have nothing to be anxious about.
We have a video on it here for more information.
And our course Foundations for Tantric Intimacy is also a wonderful place to start if you would like to learn more. 🙂
Those belief systems are generally coming from our childhood and from our family relation models. Like mom and dad relation, or grandma/grandpa relations that we are taking as a model. Or belief systems that were planted to our mind, some how some time.
The path of tantra is a mystical path.. this means that we look inside/to the divine/to a deeper truth for our guidance. There is a truth inside of us that is not dependent on how we were raised or what other people will think or what we even believe to be right or wrong… It is just a truth. This becomes our truth and it overrides what we were taught. It takes courage to stand up for a truth that you can only feel inside and not explain to those who think differently.
And so we become more in tune with our deeper self… We pray, meditate, experience nature, walk, run, do eye-gazing and other tantric exercises, all to get in touch with that deeper truth about the world and our lives. This is when life becomes very rich because we are not playing according to the rules any longer… We are following our calling, our “truth”… We feel the connection to something greater.
The first step is the awareness of the belief systems that are running inside of us.. And then we begin the process of questioning them.. honouring where they come from, and then letting them go… and finding our actual truth. What OUR soul is calling for here.
This is our healing and expansive path of tantra.
Definitely. Tantra is really a personal journey. The real goal of tantra is to experience our true essence.. our true divinity right here in these bodies.. in these lives. To do this means that we need to let go of a lot of “stuff”… We need to let go of the constructs that society has built for us to live within, what we have learned from our families and friends, what our teachers and society taught us was right and wrong. We need to start living from within… Having a soul’s experience instead.
When we have a partner, it is different because it is through the shared intimacy that we can see something new. We can combine energies to reach new heights. But still, we must do our personal work in order to get clear enough to be that vulnerable, that open, that kind and that present with another person.
So to do the work ourselves first is brilliant. This is the true path of the tantrika… The personal inner and spiritual journey…
Plus, in terms of sexuality and intimacy, we also learn what else is possible out there. And therefore we attract something new and different into our lives in our next partner!
Our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course has two streams: One for individual study, and one for couples. You can learn more about this course here.
This is actually the main thread of our Foundations course. Tantra isn’t something that we just learn. It is something that we become. We BECOME tantric.
We learn to experience the spirit and body together all day long. It becomes how we cook, how we walk and how we make love. But if we aren’t like that all day long, then we won’t be like that in the bedroom either.
So, this is a great focus for learning Tantra right from the beginning! We have a Q&A video addressing the question here as well.
Tantra integrates our “spiritual self”/God/energetic self (or whatever sounds right to you) into our physical lives. Tantra believes that we are meant to experience the divine through this life. It isn’t separate. It is every minute of every day.. And this leads to ecstasy and bliss.. And that this is actually how humans are meant to live. We aren’t meant to be stressed out and worried. We are meant to be light, and clear, and happy. This is who we really are.
So, in short, yes — tantra absolutely brings us back to this place.
Wonderful! Tantra is an incredibly deep and rich art that we can truly study, practice and continue using every day for our whole lives… It becomes a way of being.
An excellent beginner’s guide to tantra is Tantric Intimacy: Discover the Magic of True Connection, a comprehensive guide to tantra for the complete beginner or the seasoned pro. You can find out where to get your copy here.
Another great first step is our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course. It starts with the basic principles of tantra and applies it to us as people – in our every day lives, in all of our relationships and in intimacy. We become tantric… We embody it in every step. And then we bring it into our relationships, finding the true intimacy that is possible between humans – true spiritual connection. Then we extend this into sacred union.
This could be the only course you ever take in tantra – lots to play with for your whole life. Or it is a stepping stone to more study.
No problem — if you feel drawn to any of our courses, we would love for you to have the opportunity to take them. We definitely have scholarship spots available. Just email us at email@example.com and we will find a way for you!
This is one of the most beautiful applications of tantra. We learn how to BE TANTRIC. We learn how to be truly present, intimate, focused, sensitive and blissful ourselves. And then we share this presence with our partner. This is where incredible magic happens… When two people come together who are open, loving and aware, incredible things happen. Things beyond our imaginings; what humans are truly made for. And deep down, it’s like we already know this… but we don’t know how to get there.
The change starts in oneself, and soon it will improve and affect every aspect of your life, including your relationships,
Our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course teaches this, as does Tantric Intimacy, our beginner’s guide to tantra. You can take it yourself or you can take it with your partner. Either way, it’s an incredible thing to learn a new foundation for having incredible relationships.
The path of tantra is a very healing path personally.. It helps us to connect with our deepest selves in a gentle and caring way. Tantra integrates our spirit, mind and body as a whole… and often when we are hurt, there is a disconnect. Tantra helps to heal that disconnect.
Also when we can allow our sexual energy to flow, it is very healing. Our sexual energy is our life force. We don’t want to repress it at all.
And when we have tantric intimacy with another, it is incredibly healing for both people. It heals physical and emotional blocks in all of our bodies.. but especially in the lower energy centres of security and sexuality.
Then we merge together and their energies and our energies mix… We truly become one. You will feel it like a ride that you both are on. And it’s actually very natural. We just need a different foundation to discover these abilities from.
I would recommend Tantric Intimacy for this… It provides a comprehensive guide to many aspects of tantra that will help you strengthen every relationship in your life.
The wonderful thing about studying tantra is that you, personally, will hold a different kind of space when you are with anyone.
You will be fully present, loving, kind and open… When you have a new partner, if they are willing, they will fall into your space. You can even preface it by saying “Hey, let’s try something new I’ve learned…” And play from there. After that, even if they read a book (Tantric Intimacy is a great start) or go on a retreat with you, they will be able to connect in a tantric way for sure.
The foundation of tantra is integrating our spiritual selves with our physical selves. We only experience fears in our physical selves. They are all rooted in experiences here in the physical world. But the spirit/God/energy (or whatever works for you) has no fears… it is infinite, expansive, alive. And when this weaves itself back into us, we have less and less fears because we are stronger… and that strength isn’t just in our physical world. It’s deeper — and it’s a part of us.
Our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course is a really gentle way to get started. It’s really down-to-earth and it truly takes you right from the core of relationships – intimacy and builds you to an amazing place. People do often feel intimidated, but if your partner knows that you are both new to this, it could be viewed as a fun new adventure that you will take together… as opposed to something that you want him to learn.
Tantra is always about discovery, no matter how long you’ve been practising it, so you will both have a wonderful time together… And honestly what better hobby for a couple to have? 😉
In our normal lives, we hold on to control for a hundred reasons… and this can make our sex life (and relationships) kind of ho-hum and difficult because we don’t get a chance to truly relax and let the incredible amounts of energy flowing through our bodies to truly be felt and then shared with another person.
This course creates a new foundation for us. It helps us be able to relax and be truly intimate and in the present moment. Letting go of control is a big part of the process!
Yes. This is a huge challenge.
On the one hand, there is a natural desire to be with another… and this isn’t unhealthy. It’s a natural human desire to mate and feel love. However, it is a problem if our happiness depends on having the partner.
Tantra brings us inside; it helps us look inside at what is truly going on. You can find insights as to why you are unhappy unless you have a partner. You learn to have more of a meditative mind… and ability to stand outside of yourself and truly observe your fear of being alone and what it means.
And it connects us to the ecstasy that we can feel every day regardless of our circumstances. This is a huge deal!! We believe that we will be happy “When we have a partner”, “when we have a good job”, “when I find the right place to live”, “when I lose 30 pounds”, etc… But none of this is true. If we aren’t happy now, none of these things will make us happy.
Tantra says that bliss must not be conditional on our circumstances.. otherwise it isn’t bliss… It is just a reaction to our circumstances.. which can change… and therefore we end up with stress inside because we are afraid of our “happy” circumstances changing…
Our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy Course for Individuals might be really interesting for you… It does talk about applying these principles to our relationships and sexuality, but it starts with creating a huge foundation for us… to become truly tantric and at peace with ourselves.
Yes, these teachings can absolutely apply to a polyamourous lifestyle. Tantra isn’t something that we do, it’s something that we become. We become more present, more aware, more sensitive. We become more able to intimately connect with everyone in our lives.
Much of today’s society links sexuality with romantic, monogamous relationships. But the truth is that our sexuality is healing, regenerative and a wonderful expression of love. It can certainly be beautiful in monogamous relationships. But it’s also wonderful when we love many people… The more wonderful love and intimacy the better!
We get to connect with each other in a way that is beyond the expectations of society. We get to just connect intimately — with pure love — untainted with ownership and expectation… just pure loving energy.
You have practically defined tantric intimacy.
This is exactly what it is to be intimate: to be able to just relax and not be afraid to feel vulnerable. When we can do this, our “energy” flows effortlessly… We can love unbounded and feel our partner’s love completely.
Part of our tantric journey is definitely healing the fears, shame and guilt that we carry.. and to learn to just be open and kind without judgement is also something that we need to be taught.. Because it isn’t everyone’s experience up until this point.
This is exactly what we teach in our courses, and is thoroughly covered in Tantric Intimacy.
Yes, this is understandable — and not uncommon or wrong. Once you have experienced the divine presence, it’s hard to settle for anything else. And deep down, we know that intimacy and sexuality are both meant to bring us to the same place! This is precisely what first drew me to tantra.
I think that you would love our Foundations for Tantric Intimacy course. It teaches a whole new foundations based on spiritual integration on how to connect with ourselves and then with others, in the way that we were truly designed to: having incredible experiences that are beyond words, intimacy that truly nourishes us, and the deep connections that we know that we are made for!