Do you think that you love to your full potential? What does that even mean?
What would it feel like to love at our full potential? To pull out all the stops… To feel completely nourished and held… To give ourselves completely and openly without abandon… To feel a connection with others that makes our soul sing and life makes complete sense…
What Stands in Our Way?
1) We are Afraid:
We are afraid that they won’t love us back. And if they don’t love us as much as we love them, what does that mean about us? That we aren’t worth loving? That we are unattractive? That we are unlovable?
We are afraid that if we open up completely that they will see inside of us.. They will see the parts of us that we don’t want the world to see.. the parts that we judge and keep hidden.. And so we must keep the walls up… We don’t think others will like the parts of us that we don’t like…
2) We don’t know what Love really feels like:
Maybe we have never felt unconditional, whole, nourishing love before. Yes our parents loved us… But often parental love is mixed up with “putting you on the right path” and being disciplinarians and judgement and “We’re just doing this for your own good”… Or maybe it was actually abusive… yet still called love…
Maybe love has always been mixed up with sex… Maybe it has felt like an obligation… or a need to perform.. or a sense of primal urgency to get together… or to have a close companion… but was there pure love there?
3) Maybe We are Hurt:
When we have hurt or trauma or a history that haunts us, we can’t even imagine being open and loving. Like an injured dog, we will snap at anyone who comes close.. not because we want to be alone.. but because we are hurting and we’re afraid to hurt even more..
And so how can we be loving?
So How Do we Start?
1) Look Into People’s Eyes
Eye gazing is one of the first things we do when studying tantric intimacy.. Why? Because we immediately recognize the soul in the other person. No matter what issues and fears we may have, when we simply gaze into the eyes of another, we soon realize that they are just souls too… They are just souls bumbling along trying to figure out their way on this planet… That there is nothing to judge. There is nothing to worry about. We all have hurts. We all have emotions. We all have challenges that we are working on. But when we connect eye-to-eye and soul-to-soul, our deepest, purest selves get to connect… And we know that we are not alone. That others understand.
2) Be kind and compassionate with yourself
Love is always compassionate and kind. But we have to start with us. When we can truly look at ourselves with kindness and non-judgement… our gifts and our challenges, our triumphs and our regrets… then we will find deep love and compassion for our own little souls… Once we can do that, when we connect with others, we will immediately have compassion for them. We won’t want to judge them, because we understand how hard things get. We won’t think that they are wrong because we understand how every decision we made in our lives brought us somewhere on our path… Was there any right or wrong steps? Hard to say… This is true kindness and compassion… And that is where true love lives.
3) Slow Down
Really take time to be with people. It might be your romantic partner or your children or a friend. But when you are with them, actually ARRIVE. Be there. Realize how fortunate you are to have this person in your life. Be grateful that you get to spend this time with them. To actually get to connect with another human being is a most sacred experience… all of the time. To look into their eyes when you’re speaking. To truly listen. To genuinely respond and have a true interchange of ideas, truths and inner thoughts.. This is a phenomenal opportunity to feel close, connected and loved… And it could be with anyone.
4) Make Love
When you have a chance to be intimate with someone, imagine truly making love. When we just “have sex”, there are intentions, a plan, and certain requirements that have to be met for it to be “successful”… How about just letting all of that go. What if the intention of being together was to share love? What if just simply getting to be naked with another human was a miracle? What if getting to touch the skin and feel electricity through your body was amazing? What if getting to kiss this other beautiful human was the most amazing thing? What if you just made out for hours.. no goals.. no “needs being met”… just a continuous blur of loving the other person in a hundred different ways… And what if at some point you just lay together and cuddled… no pressure of orgasm and ejaculation.. just another opportunity to love another and feel loved…
We are capable of phenomenal love right now.
We have all the tools right within us.
All we need to do is connect, be kind and compassionate, slow down, and make love as often as we possibly can.