My good friend recently posted on Facebook that her six-year-old son was asking whether she and daddy had sex. Not knowing what to say, she asked him what he thought sex was.
He said, “When you guys get naked and nosey.”
My comment was that this was the most beautiful description of true intimacy that I could imagine. When we want to learn about tantra or simply improve our relationship, we are often looking for complex tricks or changes that will make all the difference. But the truth is, if we all just took some time to enjoy getting “naked and nosey”, our bodies and hearts would do the rest.
What’s Naked and Nosey?
I will describe what I mean in order to be clear (and for the benefit of many of our readers for whom English isn’t their first language).
Imagine getting naked and crawling into bed together. Then, as you lie down facing each other, you get to feel the warmth and energy of this other wonderful person against you.
Although there may be intentions of being sexual, you are getting to enjoy this simple pleasure of being naked together, of holding each other, of gazing into each other’s eyes, of enjoying the simple pleasures of simply being naked and intimate with another person.
Placing our noses together is an incredibly intimate experience. It isn’t something that we do with our friends or family. We only do with certain people. We do it with our children with great joy – especially babies. We might do it with an aging parent or grandparent if we are feeling great closeness with them. And, of course, we do it with our lovers.
So, this experience of lying close with our noses together is actually an incredibly intimate act, saved only for those we are most intimate with.
Being Like Children Again
Do you remember being innocent and not knowing what to do next? This is truly the magic of tantra.
When we are tantric, we are open to the present moment. This person lying beside us is someone that we have never met. This is true whether we have been with them for 20 years or 20 minutes. We are each changing and morphing with every experience – every “aha” moment, every disappointment, every loss, and every joyful experience. We are in a perpetual state of growth if we allow it. (Click HERE to watch a video and learn more about this)
And so, when we choose to get “naked and nosey”, we are truly just being present with this other human. We don’t know what the right move is. We don’t know where they really are at inside. We need to connect with whatever is real between us and bathe in it.
We get to be explorers. We get to wonder what’s going to happen. We get to be naive and innocent. We get to caress if we want. We get to kiss if we want. Or we can just lay there and look into each others’ eyes, enjoying and loving the moment.
Sharing Breath & Prana Together
When our noses are close and we are relaxed, it is wonderful to naturally breathe each others’ breath. There is something magical about the mixing of our prana/life force energy. We can make theories about what is happening… But the truth is that we aren’t able to fully understand what happens when two infinite beings share their life force… But we do know that it is simply wonderful.
You can just lie there and breathe naturally – no plan, no thought, no intention… Just blissful presence and awareness of your breath.
If your bellies are pressed together, your bellies will move in opposite directions and your breath may start to sync – with one inhaling while the other exhales. Or you can consciously play with inhaling each others’ exhales. It can be done through the nose or mouth.
The key is to relax and just do what feels natural.
Bathing in Ecstasy
Imagine allowing energy to build between you. Imagine gently touching, holding, kissing, breathing and just fully enjoying the closeness. Imagine not rushing into intercourse… Allowing the energy between you to build.
And then letting yourselves be bathed in that energy.
This is where patience is a true virtue. There is no hurry. There is nowhere else to be. There is only wonderful joy and warmth in this present moment. This joy and warmth is pure ecstasy.
Imagine swimming in this energy. Playing in it. Letting it wash all over you…
This is nourishing in ways that are like nothing else in this world.
Where to go from here?
You can go anywhere you want. Being “naked and nosey” is simply the foundation for your intimate connection.
The question is “What is the nature of your connection in this moment? What are you truly feeling?”
Is your present combination one of solace and comforting? Then perhaps you shift into holding each other. Maybe the energy is naturally rising into a very sexual experience – then I don’t need to explain anything. Or perhaps it is just a place of incredible comfort and gratitude… and you continue the closeness as you fall asleep.
The key is that this intimate act is truly magical and alters both people in beautiful ways. One of my favourite quotes by Carl Jung is “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
And, in the immortal words of a wise six-year-old, it’s as easy as just “getting naked and nosey”.