“How do I introduce tantra to a new partner/lover?“
This is one of the most common questions I am asked by individuals studying tantra..
Well, it isn’t really as much about introducing it to them as much as it’s about noticing if they have the potential and the calling. Because in reality, not everyone does.
We all have the potential deep down. Tantra is simply about being intimate, present, and ecstatic in the way that we all were made. But not everyone is looking for it at this point in their lives.
Tantra isn’t a set of sexual practices that you have to be “into”. It doesn’t require ritual and weird stuff and it doesn’t ask you to be anything that you aren’t. It is simply a desire for deep intimacy.. with you and with life. It asks you to be completely genuine & honest about who you are. It asks you to come to life and love with a student’s mind and a child’s heart.
And honestly, not everyone is into it.
So what do we look for?
How do we recognize a potential tantric lover?
1) They are Already Seeking It.
If you mention tantra to group of random people, the majority might look at you with a blank stare, or a look of disbelief or confusion as to why you’re “into this stuff”.
But there will be a few who will want to know more. They will listen intently. They will ask questions. You can see the wheels turning in their minds. And then afterwards, they will keep looking at you wanting to know more.
Why? Because you have answered a question in them that they didn’t even know that they were asking. It’s like there was something missing but they couldn’t describe what it was.
It’s like it was always hidden inside of them and you just gave them the key.
2) They are Naturally Present
Do they look you in the eyes? Or are they fidgety and unable to be still with you.
People who are naturally tantric have a certain intensity about them, a depth that they want to share with others.. everyone really.. So, when they are with you, they are 100% present. They are right here, right now.
Tantra requires two whole beings coming together. This is not a place for one person pulling another along.. trying to make them more present.. Both parties must come together as equals, fully present, whole and interested in the game.
3) They are Explorers.
No matter how long you practise tantra, you are always discovering new territory.
Tantra is about exploring the infinite possibilities of what we are capable of..
It’s like doing a new chemistry experiment every day because even if you are with the same person, you are both different than you were yesterday. So if you bring your true, unique presence to the experience and mix it with another’s true unique presence, who knows what will happen? Infinite possibilities abound.
Does this new person want to dive into these possibilities? Do they want to explore the unknown? OR do they prefer the safety and comfort of a well-known path?
Neither is right or wrong.. We all just desire something different.
4) They Believe in Something.
Maybe they describe themselves as “Spiritual but not religious” or “Religious with great faith” or “I don’t know what I believe in.. but I know that there’s more going on than we know.”
Tantra connects more than just the physical bodies and complementary goals in life.
Tantra integrates the Divine into our lives and our lovemaking. And what is this divine?
It’s beyond our comprehension.. Beyond our rational mind.. Beyond our logic and even our language.
This is what makes tantric intimacy so incredible and life changing. We experience something beyond our five senses and what our minds can comprehend. And it brings in this incredible missing element back into our lives and weaves it into our entire being.
But you can’t convince someone of this.. It’s either who they are.. or it’s not.
5) They Love to Grow
Tantra will expand you. It’s like travelling to a foreign country. You never look at things quite the same again.
You appreciate things that you didn’t before. You see possibilities that you’ve never seen. People look different. Food tastes different. Everything is brighter and shinier.
Your consciousness changes.
It’s the desire to evolve to the next level. It’s the desire to experience the world more deeply. It’s the desire to leave behind fears, pettiness and reactive living.
Because of this, they are happy to “empty their cup” and come with a beginner’s mind.. happy if things go as planned, ecstatic when they are better than they could have imagined, and fine when things don’t go as desired.. Because they learn and grow there too.
Tantra is not everyone’s path.
In the olden days, we tried to fit people into boxes.. In order to “keep them”, we would convince them to be interested in what we were interested in.
But tantra is about reality. Our minds can lie to us and create stories about the other person. But energy can’t lie.. And tantra plays with our essence.
So what is the truth about this other person? Are they called to this path? Is it truly their desire?
Because if it isn’t, then you will always be pulling them along, wishing they were something that they just aren’t. And the magic of tantra will always elude you.
But if it IS on their path, it will be so easy to “introduce” tantra to them because you will be describing something to them that their soul has been longing to hear.
And a beautiful tantric journey will have begun.
Would you like to sign up for our email community?
You will receive two introductory videos to tantra, a list of great tantra books to get you started and new articles, courses, workshops and retreats delivered right to your inbox!Sign up here