Demi-sexual = someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person unless or until they have formed an emotional connection with that person.

Recently a friend asked me if I had heard of this new term being used on dating apps – demisexual. He was absolutely blown away that because he actually wanted to have an emotional connection with someone before having sex, he was now considered worth labelling – like this was a strange thing that needed to be pointed out.

He asked me what I thought of this – as a woman but also as a teacher of tantra. What was going on in the world?

On first hearing this, I thought it was crazy. What in the world is happening to the world that sex without connection is so common and desiring connection needs a label.

But then, as I thought deeper, perhaps this isn’t strange at all.

Previous Generations Were the Same

The truth is that the millennials and generation-Xers that are desiring sex without emotional connection are really no different than their parents. The truth is that we have been having sex without emotional connection for centuries. This isn’t new at all.

People have gotten married because they were arranged marriages, they were pregnant, they wanted out of the house, they needed financial security, “peace between the clans”, whatever. Historically, getting married (and the subsequent sex had) without emotional connection really wasn’t that uncommon.

And often, even when there is love and true desire for each other in the beginning, between obligations placed on each other, bad behaviour that drives us apart and poor communication skills, the emotional connection slowly gets eaten away until there is nothing left but a shell of a relationship. At this point, they stay together because of children, financial reasons or because they simply don’t want to be alone.

And some still have sex. Perhaps they do it “like they’ve always done it”. I know some people who only have sex after they’ve had some drinks or gotten high. Others just fantasize about being with other people or doing anything else while doing it.

Teaching Tantra to Couples

There are basically two kinds of couples who come to learn tantra.

The first type has a wonderful emotional connection and simply want to take their relationship further. They study tantra and whole new worlds open up for them. Yay!

The second type has no emotional connection any longer and is hoping that tantra will fix their relationship.

Most of the time tantra can’t help because the foundation of tantra is true intimate connection. There’s no getting around it because this is the magnetic way that two people actually connect. Without this, you cannot go any further. Without this, you must learn “tricks” in the bedroom in order to have different experiences. But this isn’t tantra and you never experience the magic because you aren’t actually connecting. You are just robotically going through the motions of something. But without true emotions and loving connection, nothing more is possible.

(On occasion, a struggling couple will find a new way through with tantra but only if they are happy to take the personal healing journey that tantra really is… and then anything is possible.)

Back to the Demisexuals

And so this idea of just having physical sex without emotional connection, being nice to each other, or even enjoying each other’s company, really isn’t a new thing.

Just look at how many people are getting divorced because there just isn’t the emotional connection that they desire. And once they are divorced, they don’t want to fall back into a relationship just for the sake of being with someone. The time for that has passed… that was sooooo 30 years ago!

What is exciting is that there are people all over realizing that they want more. They are ready for emotional connection. They are willing to wait to find someone who they genuinely click with. They know that there is something really different possible when there is true intimacy and they want to explore it.

We are truly on an exploration to find out what is really possible in relationships.

So, here’s to the demisexuals – married, single, or something in between.

Something new is on the horizon.

And it’s very different… and wonderful.

Your Tantric Journey


If this is something that you would like to explore, we have three courses that explore these ideas. You can study at home and integrate the teachings into your everyday life. Plus, you can ask Katrina questions throughout the course.

“The Spiritual Path of Tantra” is our main course that teaches us how to weave all the tantric teachings into all parts of who we are and all parts of our lives.

“Foundations for Tantric Intimacy” applies tantra to our intimate relationships. There is a course for Individuals and a course for Couples.

“The Radiant Woman” is a course for women that discusses the masculine and feminine balance in great depth – helping us heal both our masculine and feminine so that we can be truly whole, happy and experience the total bliss of enjoying being totally feminine in relationship.


My book “Tantric Intimacy: Discover the Magic of True Connection” is a more detailed look at how tantra fits into our own happiness and all of our relationships.

My first book “What If You Could Skip the Cancer?” is my journey from trusting my mind to know everything to taking the leap to trust in something beyond my own intelligence. This is the story of when I met my first real spiritual teacher and the incredible journey I took with him.

Both books are available worldwide in paperback, ebook and audiobook read by Katrina.